Acceptology: Flowing and trusting life
Once upon a time there was a very wise and even-tempered farmer who lived in a small village with his son and his horse. One morning when they woke up, they saw that the horse had run away. All the villagers ran to his house and said to him, «What bad luck, now you won’t be able to plough the land and you’ll go hungry». He replied: «Bad luck, good luck, who knows? The next day, the horse returned with a bunch of wild horses, and everyone in the village ran to him and said, «Good luck, now you are rich with so many horses! He replied: «Good luck, bad luck, who knows». A few days later, his son was taming one of the wild horses and fell off, breaking both his legs. Again, all the villagers came to him and said: «What bad luck, with your son like that you won’t be able to plough and you’re too old! To which he replied: «Bad luck, good luck, who knows». The following week, the chief of his village went to war with the neighbouring villages, and all the young men were conscripted to go and fight to the death. All except the farmer’s son. Again, the villagers went to him and said «Good luck, your son is out of the war». To which the farmer replied: «Good luck, bad luck, who knows?
What it is, is what it is, and it is time to accept it. Accepting it does not mean agreeing with it, nor does it mean resigning oneself to it. It means «working with what there is». And from there, to decide what I want to do. Acceptance is a quality of the «I», of consciousness, of the protagonist who looks at and evaluates the cards that life is dealing her at that moment, without judgement. Resignation is of the ego, of victimhood, which covers up a pent-up rage because it believes it can do nothing. Acceptance makes it possible to decide to do, resignation is fear of doing.
The wise say that everything that happens to us is for something, that we have something to learn from it. You can believe it or not. But it will pass. We can flow with life or fight with it. It will happen anyway, it will be whatever it is, the issue is how we are going to experience it, what interpretation and internal dialogue we are going to validate.
When I was finishing my economics degree, I applied for what I considered at the time to be my dream job. A brand manager position at Frigo ice cream (Unilever). There were about 250 candidates. Two of us made it to the final. I was not chosen. The consolation that everyone told me «you have to be proud, you made it to the final» was of no use to me. I felt like a loser. I thought a thousand and one times about the last interview, and I said things to myself that not even my worst enemy would say to me. What bad luck! Bad luck or good luck, who knows?
A few months later, I applied for the Generalitat’s international trade scholarships to do a year’s work experience in the Spanish Commercial Offices around the world. These are highly coveted scholarships with very demanding tests and interviews. I got a scholarship at Ofcomes in Mexico, where I spent one of the best years of my life. I have incredible memories, anecdotes and friends from that wonderful year. As life zoomed by, preparing for the Unilever position certainly helped me to be more prepared for the scholarship application. And if I had been taken at Unilever I wouldn’t have gone to Mexico.
Life is a continuous present, it doesn’t stop. Wanting to control it 100%, besides being tiring and useless, does not leave us the option of looking forward to the next great thing that may come along. What I am saying does not invalidate being proactive and planning.
I, as of today, have chosen the glasses of trusting life, being grateful and looking forward to everything. The invitation is, from maturity and experience, to try to recover the openness, the capacity to be surprised and to flow with life that we had as children. It is a decision, an attitude, and bearing in mind that life will flow the same way, like the river, I personally believe that it is better to live it and not resist it. It wasn’t always like that, but with these glasses I’m happier.
And what glasses have you chosen?
As always, don’t believe anything, experience it.
